Collector’s Edition: Translated from the Original Polyester
Preface
The Scroll of the Blue Devil remains one of the most remarkable and controversial discoveries in the study of Late 20th Century adolescent culture. Unearthed in 1984 during a custodial clean-out of an unused locker at Elmira Free Academy, this tattered polyester-bound manuscript has since baffled historians, anthropologists, and fashion experts alike.
Believed to date from the so-called “Polyester Period” (circa 1974–1979), the scroll offers an unparalleled glimpse into the rituals, athletic contests, and peculiar mating customs of the Homo adulescens athleticus blue-devilus. Through a mixture of poetic exaggeration and questionable self-reporting, it chronicles the feats of a young athlete whose prowess on the field and track was matched only by his ability to project supreme confidence while quietly fretting over his trousers, hair, and romantic prospects.
Though much remains uncertain, the actual circumference of his biceps, the aerodynamic value of bell-bottoms, and the true number of maidens “who liked him”, there is little doubt that the text captures the spirit of an era when polyester was king, hair could not be trusted, and the bravest warriors could run a mile in under five minutes but still fail to secure a Friday-night date.
This translation seeks to preserve both the epic grandeur and the subtle humor of the original work. The reader is encouraged to treat the following verses not only as a historical record but also as a timeless reminder: swagger may fade, polyester will pill, but the legend of the Blue Devil endures.
- Dr. Thaddeus R. Greaves, Department of Applied Heroics and Pants Studies
University of Greater Upstate Antiquities, 2025
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The Scroll of the Blue Devil
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Fragment discovered in the ruins of a 1970s Elmira Free Academy locker room.
Believed to date from the Late Disco Age.
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Lines 1–16: Invocation
Sing, O Muse, of the mighty Blue Devil,
son of polyester and iron,
swift in the mile,
fearsome in baseball,
and padded for the autumn wars of football.
His trousers flared like the wings of Hermes,[1]
his hair defied the comb as if cursed by Poseidon,
yet he strode the tiled halls of Elmira Free
as one fated for legend.
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[1] Archaeologist Dr. Janice Petrowski (1987) notes that “winged” here likely refers to polyester bell-bottoms, which created aerodynamic drag but significant social drama.
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Lines 17–42: The Great Race
The herald’s horn sounded,
and the warriors gathered upon the sacred oval.
He stood among them,
muscles forged in the House of Iron,[2]
heart pounding like a marching drum.
“Friends, Blue Devils,” he cried,
“though the foe be swift and his shorts nylon,
today we run for the honor of our house!”
Then they surged forward
like froth on the wine-dark Chemung,
and he, son of Elmira,
broke the tape before all others,
lungs aflame, polyester snapping in the wind.
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[2] Scholars remain divided on the “House of Iron.” Some suggest a weight room; others argue for a mythic forge where polyester was tempered in the sweat of heroes.
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Lines 43–68: The Siege of the Heart
Many were the maidens who smiled upon him,
yet none granted the feast of Friday night.
His victories in the field were many,
but in the court of love,
he remained a soldier without orders.
Until...
from a far-off realm beyond the Elmira borders
came one who asked not for his legend.
She knew him not as the hallway conqueror,
but as the boy behind the armor.
And so, his heart was taken
without battle.
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Lines 69–84: Epilogue
Now the halls know him no more,
but the name of the Blue Devil in polyester
is whispered by elders to wide-eyed youths.
For in his age,
heroes were measured not in denim,
but in stride, in laugh,
and in the art of walking like you owned the kingdom
even when you feared you didn’t.
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About the Author
The identity of the Blue Devil poet remains a subject of scholarly debate. Tradition holds that he was both the author and primary subject of this epic - a rare case of the warrior-bard, equally skilled in athletic endeavor and self-mythologizing verse.
Born in the Elmira region at the ending of the Kennedy administration, he came of age in a cultural landscape defined by polyester, feathered hair, and the steady hum of fluorescent-lit gymnasiums. Gifted with remarkable speed in the mile and half-mile, solid skill on the baseball diamond, and what contemporaries described as “a decent football game,” he quickly rose to local prominence within the warrior class of Blue Devilus Maximus.
His early career was marked by a peculiar combination of supreme public confidence and crippling private uncertainty - particularly concerning trousers, hair, and his standing among maidens. Notably, his romantic fortunes did not improve until he ventured beyond his home province and encountered a maiden from a rival realm, who (according to the text) “asked not for his legend.”
Though his later life remains obscure, many scholars believe he laid down his polyester armor sometime in the early 1980s, transitioning into the modern era of denim and humility. The Scroll of the Blue Devil is believed to be his sole surviving work, preserved against all odds, much like the man himself.
GBS
Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
1990
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